Dating overseas can be exciting. You may meet someone from a completely different country, culture, and background, and you may even develop a connection that turns into a serious relationship.
But just like dating anywhere else, you have to protect yourself.
When you first start talking to someone overseas, it is easy to get caught up in the excitement. You may see their pictures, talk every day, and start believing that you have finally found the person you've been looking for.
But before you send money, book a flight, or start making plans for the future, take your time and get to know the person.
Here are some important red flags to watch for when you first start dating overseas.
1. If the Conversation Always Comes Back to Money, Pay Attention
This red flag goes both ways.
Ladies, if a man leads with money, constantly talks about what he can buy, or seems more interested in financial benefits than getting to know you, pay attention. He may not be looking for a genuine relationship.
Men, the same thing applies to you.
If the first thing a woman starts asking is, "How much money do you make?" or "Can you send me money because I have a problem?", slow down.
If every conversation eventually turns into money, that's something you need to take seriously.
You are not a bank account.
Money may eventually become a part of a serious relationship, especially when you're talking about traveling, building a future together, or helping each other. But when you're just getting to know someone, the first priority should be learning about each other.
Get to know the person before you start getting into their wallet.
2. Video Chat Is Extremely Important
If you meet someone online, one of the most important things you can do is have a video conversation.
Don't just depend on pictures.
A person can use somebody else's picture, an old picture, or even a completely fake identity online. That's why seeing the person you're talking to can help you determine whether you're actually communicating with the person in the photos.
I believe you should try to have a video chat early in the relationship.
If someone continually avoids video chatting, that's a reason to slow down and ask questions.
Now, I'm not saying someone has to drop everything immediately. People work, have families, and have responsibilities. But if you're seriously interested in getting to know each other, both people should eventually be able to make time for a video conversation.
And here's another important point:
You are not responsible for paying someone's phone bill just so they can video chat with you.
If someone tells you that you need to send money for their phone, internet, data, or "load" before they can video chat with you, be very careful.
The goal is to make sure you're talking to the person you think you're talking to.
3. Understand That Different Cultures May Have Different Expectations
Ladies, if you're dating a man from another country, remember that he may have been raised differently than you.
The same goes for men dating women overseas.
Different cultures can have very different ideas about dating, marriage, family responsibilities, money, and taking care of parents.
This is something you need to discuss early.
For example, in some cultures, adult children may be expected to financially support their parents as they get older. In other cultures, parents may be expected to take care of themselves or have other family members helping them.
Neither person should automatically assume that the other person thinks the same way.
You may believe, "Of course we help our parents."
The other person may think, "I helped them last time, and I can't help this time."
These differences can become major problems later if you don't talk about them early.
Ask questions.
Learn about each other's culture.
Talk about family responsibilities, marriage expectations, children, finances, religion, living arrangements, and what each person expects from a spouse.
You aren't just dating a person.
You're getting to know the culture and family background that helped shape that person.
4. Be Careful About the Photos You Send
This is something I believe everyone should take seriously.
When you first start talking to someone online, be careful about sending intimate or adult photos.
You may trust this person today, but you don't really know them yet.
Once you send a picture, you lose control over where that picture can end up. Someone could save it, share it, post it online, or use it in a way you never intended.
Ladies, if a man immediately starts asking you for explicit pictures, slow down.
Men, if a woman immediately starts asking you for those kinds of pictures, don't feel pressured to send them.
Take your time.
Build trust.
Find out whether this person is really interested in you or simply looking for something physical.
A serious relationship should be about more than what somebody can get from your pictures.
5. Be Honest About What You're Looking For
Men, if you're only looking for someone to talk to, tell her.
If you're looking for a serious relationship, tell her.
If you're interested in marriage someday, tell her.
And if you're not sure what you want yet, be honest about that too.
Don't tell someone what they want to hear just because you want to keep them around.
Ladies, you should do the same thing.
If you're looking for marriage, say that.
If you're looking for friendship first, say that.
If you're simply interested in meeting people from different countries and learning about other cultures, say that.
Honesty gives both people the opportunity to decide whether they want to continue.
Nobody wants to spend months talking to someone only to discover that the two people wanted completely different things.
6. Men: Make Sure You Understand Her Marital Status and Local Laws
This is especially important if you're a man traveling overseas to meet a woman.
Before you travel, you need to know whether the woman you're visiting is actually single, divorced, or married.
Don't assume.
Different countries have different laws and procedures involving marriage and divorce. In some places, divorce may be handled differently than what you're accustomed to in the United States.
That's why you should research the laws of the country you're planning to visit.
You don't want to travel to another country without understanding the situation and then find yourself involved in a legal problem.
If someone tells you they are divorced, ask reasonable questions and, when appropriate, ask whether they can provide documentation showing their marital status.
I'm still researching the specific documents that may be available in different countries to verify this information, because the requirements can vary.
The important thing is this:
Don't assume. Verify.
And never let excitement about meeting someone cause you to ignore basic safety and legal precautions.
7. Don't Assume All Foreign Women—or Men—Are the Same
Men, this one is important.
If you're dating a woman from another country, don't assume that every woman from that country is going to have the same personality, values, or expectations.
The same goes for women dating men overseas.
One person's behavior doesn't represent an entire country or culture.
Do your research.
Learn about where the person you're dating comes from. Learn about the culture, traditions, family expectations, dating customs, and relationship expectations.
But remember that research is only a starting point.
The person you're talking to is an individual.
Ask her questions.
Let her explain her own beliefs and expectations.
And make sure she understands your culture and your expectations too.
A healthy relationship requires both people to learn about each other.
Take Your Time Before You Take the Trip
Dating overseas can open the door to meeting someone you never would have met otherwise.
But don't let excitement make you move faster than you should.
Before you send money, before you send private pictures, before you buy a plane ticket, and before you start talking about marriage, take the time to learn who you're dealing with.
Have video conversations.
Ask questions.
Talk about money.
Talk about family.
Talk about marriage.
Talk about children.
Talk about where you would live.
Talk about expectations.
And most importantly, pay attention to actions—not just words.
Someone can tell you exactly what you want to hear. Time gives you the opportunity to see whether their actions match what they're saying.
Dating overseas isn't about being afraid of people from another country. It's about being smart, taking your time, and protecting yourself while you get to know someone.
If the relationship is real, taking your time shouldn't destroy it.
It should give both of you the opportunity to build something based on trust, honesty, and understanding.
Written By Del' Angelo L. Hoskins
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